Welcoming 2023 with More Grace and Trust
Enough. Worthy. Capable. Unstoppable. Chosen. Loved. You are not alone if this year was a tough one. This is a year, I wish I could erase from my memories. Maybe you are wishing that too?
My year was filled with brokenness, loss, grief, fear, terror, loneliness and growth. Oh so much growth. There are things I would love to undo from this year, but I cannot and to do so would abandon the lessons and the growth. I have learned more about myself, my past and how important my own healing is for myself and especially my whole family.
We've heard it said that healing is not linear, well that is for sure the truth. It's more like just keep peeling the onion and working through the emotions as they come. By finding or looking for more pockets of joy in my days and looking for small glimmers of light and hope where they may come. Blessings are gifts from the goodness of God and I am grateful for the ways in which He has shown up for me and He has put others on my path to guide me through the dark valleys of this year. This was the year God proved to us how strong we are. We can survive and thrive.
That being said, I choose to focus on Trusting Myself and God More than outside of myself. I know the way to Healing is acceptance of what I can control and that is very little. I can control how I respond, my choices and how I choose to perceive life.
Get Up! Trust!
I am enough, I am worthy, I am learning to accept these truths and step in to the true nature of who God intended me to be. I need to trust myself more and to do that I am finding quiet is the answer. A quiet stillness daily to still the storm in my racing brain. To still the trauma, the hyper vigilance that has become a natural way of being as "normal" as breathing. Nature. Ebbs and Flows. Burns and Dies, then the New Growth Can Rise from the Ashes.
Parenting a child suffering from complex developmental trauma involves epic tantrums and meltdowns. It really is more about the nervous system stuck in fight or flight. I did all the right things, but it didn’t matter. Her prefrontal cortex was not online and she was fighting us tooth and nail. She locked herself in the bathroom and wasn’t in a good place. I wanted her at least out of the bathroom so I knew she was safe. After the drama, the screaming, and silence. In the silence, when it is all done, then that is when the tears come.
The tears and all the sadness I have held for probably her whole life. I am not trauma, that is not who I am. I am unlearning patterns of survival that no longer serve me. I am critically observing my reactions and trying to give myself more grace. We are worthy, enough and loved children of God. And with that, I stand up again every morning. I will get up and get dressed and ready, eat breakfast, spend time in stillness and meditation with God and move my body more. Time in nature is very grounding and also has provided a way for me to connect with myself on a deeper level.
Feeling alone as a mother, parent and wife is an unfortunate and common experience in this journey. It's important to share our stories and find solidarity with our tribes. Look for ways to intentionally choose joy and happiness. I cut the chains and burn the ships that have been holding me back. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOVrOuKVBuY
More Joy. More Grace. Trust Trust Trust Trust. Trust that things work out and this too shall pass. Believe, trust and explore. Do more of what you love and enjoy, find small moments of self-care and self-love even if it is as small as just enjoying a sunrise or sunset or a sunbeam on the kitchen table. You've got this!
How are you welcoming 2023 this year? What word or affirmations are you focusing on?